On 01.02.02, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. Too late for surgery, I had chemotherapy, which failed. In May the chemotherapy was changed and I was soon in remission which was celebrated and welcome and lasted nine years - until October 2011. There was progression in 2011 so more treatment was indicated and I am now back in partial remission. But I'm not only a cancer patient - I also enjoy my family, walk my dogs and am learning to draw and paint. Life is good!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Here I are

I've been away from most of my online friends since July 18. Eventually I needed hospital care and there was no argument there. On Day 2 (last Tuesday)

I was so mentally confused that I believed I was at a summer camp. When I asked for more pain medicine I was refused. I was angry with my nurse who couldn't get me to understand her perspective. Then I was angry with the staff for alarming the bed so I couldn't get up - exactly what I planned to do because I had a small bottle of morphine stuffed away.

Then I was angry that I hadn't dosed myself on the way to the Emergency Department, hadn't brought others meds that I take routinely, then I started to wonder who, exactly, was in charge of my care (irresponsibility I had been able to overlook).

Now I was just stuck. Who, if anyone, was overlooking my medical care? who was paying for my care? with a cell-phone packed away in the purse I couldn't touch, how could I reach Steve?

I went from anxiety to anger, then panic to rage.

I will probably go home tomorrow - if the fever stays down and the white cells continues to recede. Lucidity is normal, speech and brain functions have also improved to what seems normal to me. Steve and I notice regained skills each day.

So I should be back on my merry way tomorrow................... and writing to you almost daily.

Steve was so funny this morning. "I've learned so much about the female anatomy this week - what
"wings" and "no wings" means -- and who wants this information? How does one apply it to a leaking partner?

See you tomorrow, I say precariously..............................


  1. I wss wondering what had happened. Sure hope there is no repeat of this! I think you should write a book about this CA episode called "My Trip To Hell and Back" or something. Broken arms, confusion....well I guess you haven't lost your hair. I bet you never thought there could be other things worse than that huh? Well you are getting through them hopefully for good.

  2. Hi Barbara, Just when I am becoming concerned about you, "here you are", posting and keeping us aware of all that is happening in your life. Your sense of humor through everything never wanes. Keeping you and your family in my prayers everyday, as always. Hugs, Ginny

  3. Sounds like quite a turn of events, Barbara, and I hope things have reached an equilibrium now. xo


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